@ericsshadow: For sale: $300 King size mattress & box spring, 6 mo old, Never had sex on it, not even once. IDK ask her.
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@juliabailz: shiny bag: THESE CHIPS ARE UNHEALTHY matte bag: THESE CHIPS ARE FROM A FARM AND GOD LOVES THEM
@SoVeryBritish: How to fix something: -Say "let's have a look" -Describe the brokenness -Break it a bit more -Say "nah it's broken" -Place hands on hips
@LMLMadness: Show her how romantic you are by sprinkling body parts in a trail leading to the bed.