@Ristolable: For sale: car. Does not stop. You will have to jump in as I jump out. I have been driving this car for three years. Please help me
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@suntzufuntzu: Woman on the phone congratulates you for winning "Unknowing Android of the Year." "I'm not an android!" you protest. "Marvelous," she gushes
@UncleDuke1969: "Here's Ted with the weather." "..." "I said... Here's Ted with the weather." "..." "Ted?" "THAT's what an unanswered text feels like, Sue."
@funnybeachgirl: *walks up to fountain* *throws in a shiny penny* *crosses fingers* *makes wish* *looks over at mother-in-law* *does throat slash motion*