@NateMorrising: For sale: Golden Retriever, had for 9 months, has yet to retrieve gold. Should have bought a metal detector.
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@donni: Guy on this bus just congratulated his friend for having a birthday. Indeed, congratulations are in order for this unique accomplishment
@Rollinintheseat: They say a woman deserves a man that looks at her every day like it's the first time he's seen her. It's wrong to promote Alzheimer's.
@lazerdoov: *on a first date* Her: so nice to finally be out with someone normal Me: aw thanks *turns to the waiter* Me: do you have pony meat
@NerishaLakha: I don't care about Disney lying about my Prince Charming. I'm more pissed about forest creatures and their unwillingness to clean my house.