@NateMorrising: For sale: Golden Retriever, had for 9 months, has yet to retrieve gold. Should have bought a metal detector.
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@Book_Krazy: Does anybody know how many toddlers you have to bring to 'Toys For Tots' before you're eligible for an Xbox?
@SICKOFWOLVES: I JUST WANT A JOB WHERE I CAN SIT ABSOLUTELY STILL AND IF ANYONE DISTURBS ME I GET TO SCREAM
@XplodingUnicorn: Me: I still have water in my ears from yesterday. I can't hear the kids. Wife: You should shake it out. Me: Why would I want to do that?