@lovemydogduck: For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
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@KeetPotato: [airport] "you should have used a tag" [a horse emerges on luggage belt] noone else has brought a horse linda [another horse appears] oh FFS
@pleatedjeans: I like my women like I like my moon: hidden behind a dark mist and worshipped by wolves
@whatmaddness: I'm trying to explain to my mother how to get pictures off her phone, while we're on the phone, and everything is awful.
@Jake_Vig: Try not to put yourself in a position where you have to say "I'm not actually a Nazi"