@lovemydogduck: For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
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@UncleDuke1969: Me: Whatcha doing on the PC? Daughter: Looking at peckers. M: WHAT?!? D: Science project on chickens. M: Oh. D: You walked RIGHT into that.
@Dr_powpow: I'm sorry I poked your baby with your selfie stick but I didn't really know what to do with either of them.
@goldengateblond: You call what I just did walking into a wall. I call it looking for walls I can pass through and marking that one off the list.
@ddsmidt: People with house arrest ankle bracelets get so touchy when you compare them to a dog's invisible fence.