@InsouciantMan: For sale: Standards. Mint condition. Barely used.
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@Quanty_J: Me: Look. There's a deer. Hunter: Don't spook it. Me: *slowly stuffing a werewolf mask back into my backpack*
@AntozWolf: Kinky is when you bring a feather into the bedroom. Perverted is when you bring the whole chicken.
@Sassafrantz: Why are guys so desperate for oral sex? We swallow over 57 spiders a yr while sleeping.The odds that 1 could come back up should terrify you
@RocketRankoon: Facebook: "Hey why are you making dumb jokes?! Some of us are praying over here!" Me: *backs away slowly* [My Twitter origin story]