@InsouciantMan: For sale: Standards. Mint condition. Barely used.
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@JasonLastname: Farmers are always so proud of themselves until you ask if they can put the milk back in the cow
@Audenary: Vicar: The bride and groom have written their own vows. *Everyone lets out a huge groan as Tolstoy reaches into his suit pocket*
@AristotlesNZ: Me: Are these your kids? Boss: "Yep" They're gorgeous! "Thanks" Step kids? "Nope" Adopted? "No.." .. ".." She's cheating on you.. "Get out"