@InsouciantMan: For sale: Standards. Mint condition. Barely used.
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@wit_haze: I don't want to give away my exact locale but I'll just say I can see the moon from my kitchen. Please don't abuse this info.
@OhNoSheTwitnt: While it's true that gay marriage doesn't nullify straight marriage, if Beyoncé was born on your birthday it's not your birthday anymore.
@EndhooS: My wife says brushing my teeth when sitting on the toilet is disgusting but honestly this toilet brush is almost brand new
@MichaelJTiberi: Why is everyone bragging about how great it is to have kids? I slept till noon today, and the only person who threw up last night was me.