@Steelers1972: For Sale : Used Facebook account ~ get up to the minute weather forecast, religious counseling and countless pictures of Jenny's cat.
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@Underchilde: “There’s no use crying over spilt milk.” Unless you spill it on a winning Powerball ticket, then you should probably cry.
@AndyRichter: In all honesty, my new dating service, "Well You're Not So Great Yourself" hasn't really taken off like I'd hoped.
@KKAlThani: Somewhere right now, a girl just uploaded a picture of a place she went to in the past with a caption that says "take me back </3"
@therepoguy: My dog really needs to learn how to drive a stick because what good is fetching one bottle of vodka.