@SteveSuckington: For some reason, the Disney movie "101 Dalmatians" was much more popular than it's sequel "Picking up Dog Shit for Eternity."
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@Writepop: Just found out that the old guy at the gym who laughs at all my jokes doesn't actually speak English.
@Home_Halfway: *Hands the bouncer my ID with a note on it begging him not to let me in because I want to go home but I'm too scared to tell my friends*
@CallousBalzac: Boss: How is the project coming along? Me:*closing browser of sick kick flip videos* Totally rad...icalizing our sales data analysis, Sir.
@robfee: Pretty sure airport food was priced by children just learning about numbers. "Ok Brian, how much should this apple cost?" SIXTY TWO DOLLARS!