@ariscott: For someone so concerned with marriage licenses, God sure was focused on dinosaurs for 180 million years.
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@NoogsCorner: Do I look like Christopher Columbus? Am I guiding a ship to a new land? So, when I ask for directions, please don't use words like "East."
@Shingaboop: Coworker: GOOD MORNING! Me: Don't talk to me until I've had my coffee Coworker: But you don't drink coffee Me: Exactly
@simoncholland: [5:45 AM] Daughter: "Daddy can you make me breakfast?" Me: "Can you not reach your Halloween candy?"