@WhaJoTalkinBout: For someone who said "Correct me if I'm wrong..." you seemed genuinely surprised and upset when I did.
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@AmishPornStar1: Interviewer: Tell me about your future plans. Me: You mean, like, just tomorrow, or for, like, the whole weekend?
@MrGeorgeWallace: Good thing they had us dissect frogs in high school that prepared us for all the times in real life we've had to dissect frogs.
@ShutUpThatsWho: [son falls over & hurts himself] ME: aww poor kid, he needs a little THC WIFE: don't you mean TLC? ME: [huge bong rip] he needs what now?