@ceejoyner: For starters, you drew your mom the same size as the house. Good enough for the fridge? I don't even want it in my garbage.
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@KenJennings: TALKING TO MY DAUGHTER 7yo: I have an empty snail shell collection. Me: How many do you have? 7yo: Zero. Me: ZERO? 7yo: I said it was empty.
@jimmytorosian: [two hours into describing a criminal to a police sketch artist] ...But when he took off the mask, he just looked like a normal guy
@NicestHippo: *deliberately drops paper in front of cute girl* Oh my goodness was that my...(sexy voice) political science degree