@CrackYouWhip: My workout schedule: 1. Run half mile 2. 10 reps of 5 lb. hand weights 3. 35 year break 4. Protein shake 5. Repeat

@Reel2Dialog2: [Alien vs Predator] Alien: I can eat your face off Predator: I'm not allowed within 100 feet of a school

@jake_likes_naps: Say goodbye to your girlfriends cause I just bought a book on magic tricks

@chuuew: ME: You're a silly sausage aren't you? SAUSAGE: [peering over spectacles] I may have acted out in my youth but that's not what defines me.

@JasonCarney31: *sets up booth, hangs up sign "$5 Mustache Rides!" *nobody shows up. I knew I shouldn't have named the damn pony 'mustache'