@Matt_The_1st: For the love of God, what is Jesus saving? Is it coupons? I bet it's coupons
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@Parkerlawyer: I recorded my husband snoring and then played it back to hear it and he rolled over and said, “TURN THAT DOWN I’M TRYING TO SLEEP!”
@FadeAway2: You drink WAY too much, and you have questionable morals . . . me talking to myself in the mirror before going out at night .
@kwirkyKerri: I darkened my hair and now people expect me to be smart too. It's exhausting. Send bleach.
@WeedTveets: *about to check bank account* Me: "I'm guessing I should probably have about $200 left" *bank account*: $3.64 Me: