@Hobo_Splendido: For the low, low price of $14.95, I'll send you my instructional DVD, "How to Succeed as a Con Man."
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@kwirkyKerri: Nice cargo shorts. You may want to dial back that awesome a little. Not really sure how much I can take.
@Ghetto_Trophy: Hope floats but corpses don't, so remember: bricks or 25 to life. Inspirational tweet.
@BigHeb7: My wife takes 13 bikinis for a 4-day beach trip. Meanwhile, I'm rocking the swimming trunks my mom bought at K-Mart in 1991.
@WheelTod: Yesterday I watched Rogue One, featuring a cameo from Carrie Fisher. One hour later she was dead. So today I'll be watching Home Alone 2.