@praisecheese: For the record, riding my unicycle to the bank robbery was a terrible idea.
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@sploosk: ants can carry up to 5000 times their body weight?? pfft. watch this- *goes to stomp an ant but it grabs me & slams me thru a picnic table*
@staceaustin: Walked in for bread, walked out with 6 bottles of wine. Now we're having communion for dinner.
@XplodingUnicorn: Wife: We need to go to the store. We’re out of milk. Me: We can wait a few days. Wife: We’re out of beer. Me: *dives in the car*