@Robert_Beau: For years I thought hitchhikers were complimenting my driving.
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@MikeDrucker: You can't run a country like a business. If you did, you'd have to pay profits to investors, meaning citizens. And that's socialism! Bye!
@TheTimmyToes: BARTENDER: the usual? ME: *nods* *bartender hands me a shot glass full of chocolate chips*
@PimpBillClinton: To all the chicks on Twitter who complain about never getting laid, turn your location on.
@CrackedIllusion: Haven't refilled my prescriptions in a while. Which has been instrumental creating the mass grave beneath this wood shed.