@DirtMcTurd: For years I thought the ghost in my house was trying to scare me, turns out he was just booing my awful jokes
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@ThePocketJustin: Sheryl Crow: This ain't no disco. This ain't no country club either. Sheryl Crow - The world's worst archaeologist.
@MoneypennyNaked: 20: Roll out of bed looking like a model 30: Blush, brush hair & go 40: Blowout, perfume, push-up bra, mani, Spanx, facial, plaster of Paris
@adamlucidi: You're following a man who once stole someone's garbage can lid and used it as an umbrella. That's on you.
@KentWGraham: Who decided that a clown popping suddenly out of a metal box would be a good toy for young children?