@pixelatedboat: For you sir I would recommend one of our deluxe funeral plans where I won't dig you up and slap you around when I'm feeling mad at skeletons
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@cervixsmash: Blood is thicker than water but maple syrup is thicker than blood so technically pancakes are more important than family
@VaguelyFunnyDan: The gal in front of me on this flight didn't enjoy me stroking her forehead after she reclined into my lap. Thought we were having a moment.
@Pirate_nurse: To be clear...putting your entire fist in your mouth should be a party trick saved for after Uncle Barry leaves