@pixelatedboat: For you sir I would recommend one of our deluxe funeral plans where I won't dig you up and slap you around when I'm feeling mad at skeletons
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@JohnHilsen: The Passion of the Christ 2: Jesus in Space He conquered the sins of the world, but can he conquer the sins of the galaxy?
@moose_chocolate: A coworker told me she was "catching up on her correspondence" so apparently it's 1932 here at my workplace.
@BucMarvin: It must be very traumatic for my wife to be at work knowing I'm home alone getting bread crumbs on the kitchen counter. Let's pray for her.
@House_Feminist: Hey girl are you a new high efficiency dishwasher because you're so quiet it's hard to tell if you're turned on