@gurl_sour: Forever Alone Barbie: Comes with 20 cats, and a Twitter account. Alcoholism and debilitating depression not included.
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@thesulk: Whenever teachers say 'show your work', just write a bunch of numbers down and hope they're tired that night.
@dietredbull: it's gotta be as much fun for a slinky to go down an escalator as it is for a human to walk on a treadmill
@mrtruthandsoul: Hey guys with your phone in a hip holster, is it because your purse is too full with tampons?