@Jandalize: Forget Klondike, you should see what I'd do for an open bar.
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@ImKevinito: I wish cops cared about me wearing a condom as much as they care about me wearing a seat belt.
@FattMernandez: I couldn't be trusted with a time machine. I'd get killed going back and testing whether or not Velociraptors really could open doors.
@jbillinson: "Yes Mr. Trump, I took Joe's pocket knife away and we'll get you some new tires for that limo right away, but I can't make him say sorry"