@Jandalize: Forget Klondike, you should see what I'd do for an open bar.
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@GrowlyGrego: [doctor hands wife urn] Ma'am, I'm afraid your husband didn't make it. "Nooo!" she cries. Oh, he's fine. But he didn't make this lovely urn.
@KalvinMacleod: [me, in a sting operation] Can I buy your best stuff? DRUG DEALER: what do u mean by stuff? *talking into my shirt* what do I mean by stuff?
@seamussaid: FIRST GUY TO RECEIVE A LETTER IN AN ENVELOPE: oh I get it she wrapped up a piece of paper in.... another piece of paper
@SortaBad: "I have a coupon for a large 2 topping" "What toppings?" "Pepperoni & a small cheese pizza" "Sir you can't top a pizza with a smaller pizza"