@godthewoman: Forget plastic surgery. Enhance your beauty by getting those around you drunk
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@karlainvt: Zombies and I have a lot in common; we both walk around aimlessly looking for something to eat.
@smedlee: APOCALYPSE SURVIVOR: "We must conserve resources. Only people with useful skills! What's yours?" ME: "I write and want to dir--" "GUNSHOT*
@TheBlessMess: My roadside emergency kit is a black wig, a disco ball and a bottle of vodka. Might as well have fun while I wait to be murdered.
@markleggett: MAJOR TOM: Tell my wife I love her very much… GROUND CONTROL: She knows. MAJOR TOM: Wait… Is she with you now? GROUND CONTROL: Bye, Tom.