@godthewoman: Forget plastic surgery. Enhance your beauty by getting those around you drunk
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@SortaBad: The guys who measure out the granite so it fits nicely in your kitchen were prob mad when they found out the term counterfeiters was taken
@samuelhlowe: - Police, open the door. - What do you want? - We just wanna talk. - How many of you are there? - Two. - Well just talk to each other.
@juliussharpe: My wife wants to have another kid. That's like seeing light at the end of a tunnel and saying, "I think we better turn around."