@AsgardianRose: Forget sex positions, has anyone found a reading position that doesn't get uncomfortable after about 5 minutes?
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@Slims_Ramblings: First Date: "So, tell me something no one else knows about you." Well, my wife thinks I'm at the movies and you think I'm single.
@BoscoPorter: Cashier: "Would you like to donate to charity today or are you a giant piece of shit?"
@travisauruss: Blood is thicker than water. But maple syrup is thicker than blood. So pancakes are more important than family. I said it.