@Jodesaroo: Forget waterboarding, just put a cold hand on my belly and I'll tell you anything you want to know.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@MikeBigby: [Airport security supervillain screening] AGENT: Spell 'haha' ME: OK, 'M',-- AGENT: ur under arrest
@stephenjmolloy: Me: "I'd like to withdraw 3 sausages and a packet of peanuts please." Man: "That isn't how a food bank works, sir."
@canadian_jane: Twitter is cool because it makes me look like I'm texting my friends instead of talking to myself.
@MsGreenGoddess: If you don't sit down to a nice big plate of breakfast for dinner once in a while, you're missing out on one of the best things in life.