@mynameshank: Forgets to set alarm, wakes up 3 days later.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@Fred_Delicious: To the people complaining about my tweets. Sorry I'm not justifying your monthly subscription of $0
@alrightbob: "Don't move or she's dead" was the last thing the wife heard before the husband started tap dancing.
@sagarcasm: After Samsung phones, now Samsung washing machines are exploding. Samsung is now the third biggest nuclear power after US and Russia.
@juanadog: Say, hypothetically, I was stuck in an air vent over a dressing room at Lane Bryant. What kind of legal issues am I dealing with?