@mynameshank: Forgets to set alarm, wakes up 3 days later.
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@kumailn: "Aaaaaaaaaaaaaa" - the soundtrack to every Middle Eastern scene in every Hollywood movie.
@flashember: GUY WHO JUST LOVES SHARKS: Can I pet the sharks? SHARK HANDLER (who sometimes makes bad decisions): Yeah that should be ok
@Donnie_Fairburn: 911: What's your emergency? Me: I brought a girl home last night 911: That's not an- Me: NOW SHE WON'T LEAVE! *swat team busts down my door*