@mynameshank: Forgets to set alarm, wakes up 3 days later.
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@platinum2000: [Haunted House] Ghost:You've been here a week Me: I like you G:You knew what this was M: I thought I was your boo G: I say that to everyone
@LostCatDog: The 9-year-old in me thinks life is all about fun. But then I think, how long is it gonna take to digest this kid? I'm a huge python, btw.
@drankturpentine: JOB INTERVIEWER: says you’re biggest weakness is typos? ME: actually that should say tide pods