@thejessbess: Forgive me father, for I have sinned. I'm not so sure what I did, but he sent me a text that only said, "K" so it must be pretty bad.
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@LoveNLunchmeat: I miss being a kid and playing cowboys and Indians. Now whenever I chase people around with a tomahawk I get arrested.
@XplodingUnicorn: My love for my kids is like my data plan: Technically unlimited, but it might get dialed back behind the scenes if they really push it.
@iGreenMonk: Just waved back at someone at the gym who was waving at the person behind me and now I'm looking for a new gym.
@AndDesist: I regularly have gold plaques and 1st place ribbons made up for my liver so it knows just how much I appreciate all it's hard work.