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@LoveNLunchmeat: Forgiveness is for people who don't know about arson.
@freypalm: Date: Cat-callers disgust me.
Me: [hastily returning phone to pocket] Oh haha yeah me too.
My cat: *at home by the phone worried sick*
@BoogTweets: A girl with kaleidoscope eyes sounds horrifying.
@Cheeseboy22: We reach out to meet each other half way, filling the vast void between us. We yearn to become as one." - A poem by my eyebrows
@baeblacksheep: Sex so good the peeping Tom made sandwiches.
@stephenjmolloy: Doctor: "I think this patient is dying. What blood type is he?"
Nurse: "B positive."
Doctor: "Okay. I don't think this patient is dying."