@Smug_Lemur: Forgot I started my stopwatch. It's now been 139:27.05 since I wondered how long it takes me to run five miles.
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@ehdannyboy: "Better out than in," my dad always used to say. Lovely man. Terrible heart surgeon.
@chrisdowning: Pro Tip: If you stand outside a restaurant wearing a red jacket, people will literally just give you their car.
@DanMentos: dispatch: we have a home invasion robbery in progress on the far side of the lake rowboat cop: *grabs oar* I'll be there in 6 hours