@theshamingofjay: Forgot my Fitbit because it was charging and now it's like I walked for no reason.
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@NakedHangover: Trojan should be sponsoring Teen Mom. That show is the best advertisement for why you should always wear condoms.
@jaggings: Spider-Man, Spider-Man, does whatever a spider can / super speed, giant leap / crawls in your mouth when you're asleep
@Sirrruh: Bear: *lowers sunglasses. Is it *beary* serious? Cops:...Ok that's funny but but you mauled a child so yes. You have to go back to the zoo.
@Sickayduh: "Dad, what's the difference between love and lust?" - Well, ya know your teddy bear? "I love it" - While you're at school, the dog lusts it.