@SlipCarefully: Forgot my phone and had to write my tweets on paper and pass 'em around at the meeting. nnDidn't get any stars. nGot RT'd to HR.
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@kcmoore51: [sanitation worker knocks at my door] The amount of McDonald's related trash we're collecting from your home each week has us concerned.
@okimstillhungry: I see you have a tattoo that says "Only god can judge me." Buddy, you're not gonna believe what im doing right now.
@Daniel_Sloss: Airport receptionist: anything to declare? Me: how bout these guns? *flexes* Her: OH GOD HE'S GOT GUNS! Me: wait.. I was.. Her: HELP!! AGH!