@Brianhopecomedy: Forgot my wallet at home & filled up at the gas station so I have to leave some collateral. Not leaving my phone there so 4 year old it is.
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@bobvulfov: LAWYER: ur dad's estate— ME: who called it executing a will instead of splittin heirs L: he said if u made a dumb joke u get nothing M: shit
@KentWGraham: Don’t be fooled by the treadmill in my basement. I got it so I can be in a recliner drinking a beer even when I’m walking the dog.