@MandiAtRandom: Forgot to do laundry again. I bet everyone at work is going to love my prom dress.
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@scenesfromahat: As a man, I honor Christopher Columbus every day of the year by refusing to ask for directions.
@buhsbaby_baby: When you unfollow me, I find your name on a Coke bottle, shake it up, put it back on the shelf and whisper "suck it" under my breath.
@BucMarvin: If Bugs Bunny was as sarcastic in real life as he was in the cartoons I'd be like, "HOLY SHIT A TALKING RABBIT!"
@PaulyPeligroso: They call Japan the "Land of the Rising Sun". Is that why they look like they're squinting all the time?