@TommyKarate: Forgot to open the door before applying hand lotion so now I'm stuck in my restroom forever.
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@QwertyJones3: Wife: He's your son! Me: So you say! But I don't... *Kid dances across the room to the Benny Hill theme song* Me: ...ok fine he's my son.
@lifecoachfit: The most stable relationship I've had is with a guy at the gym who has no idea we've been dating for the past year.
@Carbosly: Have we tried unplugging coma victims and plugging them in again? Works for my computer.