@TommyKarate: Forgot to open the door before applying hand lotion so now I'm stuck in my restroom forever.
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@Ygrene: Me: I'm nervous about mingling at the party Wife: Just talk about stuff anyone can relate to [Party] Me: HI I UNDERSTAND YOU TOO ARE HUMAN
@pauleggleston: 'Hello Microsoft support, what's the nature of the problem?' 'Eggshell' 'Eggshell??' 'Yesh' 'Oh hello again Mr Connery. Spreadsheet issues?'
@brakco: I wont play GI Joes with my nephew until he learns to play it right. He's 4 years old, he should know better than to drag Vader into this.
@iamch0pper: if you ever get caught sleeping on the job... slowly raise your head and say, "in jesus name amen"