@Smiilze: Forgot to turn on the oven. Food's been in there for 45mins. I know, cause I set the timer.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@shutupmikeginn: Like my therapist always says, "I'm not your therapist, you're just laying on a couch in Ikea"
@Spaziotwat: [*Wakes up on sofa] "Did I...DID I HAVE A FIGHT WITH BATMAN?" Wife [from bedroom]: "YOU. PUNCHED. A. NUN."
@SondraDeeMe: *Learns sign language to keep arguing with boyfriend while giving the silent treatment*
@EndhooS: Hedgehogs would seem far less adorable if they had more relevant names like 'Stabbyrabbit' or 'Weaponrat'