@Smiilze: Forgot to turn on the oven. Food's been in there for 45mins. I know, cause I set the timer.
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@Spaced_Cowboy00: I caught two kids smoking pot outside my office. Fifteen minutes later my boss caught me and two kids smoking pot outside my office.
@rebrafsim: HER: but you can't leave me - I'm carrying your baby! HIM: HER: HIM: actually, that's how babysitting works. I'll be home in 2 or 3 hours
@o__0Dev: VW have got in2 trouble 4 falsifying data, apparently this is not d first time the Germans have been found guilty of lying abt gas emissions