@juliussharpe: Forgot we bought a Christmas tree. Woke up at 2 a.m., went to pee, thought it was a guy and almost called the cops on it.
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@jared_ish: I am not "aware" of any "laws" that "forbid" the use of excessive "air quotes" officer "Barnes."
@GreenishDuck: You can lead a horse to water and if he walks on it congratulations you found horse jesus.
@xLiserx: Ran into my ex on the street. He's got a hot wife & 2 kids. I have a taco in my hand. And one in my purse. And an emergency taco in my coat.