@juliussharpe: Forgot we bought a Christmas tree. Woke up at 2 a.m., went to pee, thought it was a guy and almost called the cops on it.
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@Jayneymoo: I don't really care who came first, the chicken or the egg. I'm just glad somebody decided both could be broken and fried.
@KyleMcDowell86: Welcome to Lion Tamer School. Everyone grab a chair. Good... good. You're all halfway to becoming Lion Tamers now.
@iwearaonesie: [3 am] toddler *steps on my face trying to sneak into the bed* me: You are the worst ninja ever