@juliussharpe: Forgot we bought a Christmas tree. Woke up at 2 a.m., went to pee, thought it was a guy and almost called the cops on it.
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@jackiembouvier: [Brings pot brownies to the PTA meeting] - New playground approved - All classes now held outside
@Playing_Dad: If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you you may be in love with a boomerang.
@Laser_Cat: [wife answering phone] Gary, it's 3am! Where are you? "I don't have time for questions, but if you ever wanted a peacock tell me now!"