@good_fats: forrest gump (1994): this film gave me very unrealistic expectations of what my life would be like as a huge idiot. 2/10
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@Jennuflect: [At a 5 star restaurant] *gestures at entire menu* Are any of these words fancy speak for chicken fingers and fries?
@thatUPSdude: Her: We have rats! Me: We do? Her: Look something gnawed thru this package of cookies! Me: (wipes crumbs from my mouth) I'll buy traps.
@BooFricketyHoo: I'm on Twitter because my brother got a chemistry set for christmas when he was little and I got plaid pants.