@TheMichaelRock: Found a baby snake in my backyard while mowing. Long story short, I don't have to mow anymore since my yard is on fire.
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@Bunnydurden: I wish mirrors and cameras would get together and figure out what I really look like.
@Brampersandon_: GIRL: Dad, I want you to meet my boyfriend DAD: Your bf is a bald eagle? BALD EAGLE: *adjusting toupee* I'm just a regular eagle actually
@CommonSavant: Mom: Why can't you be successful like your brother? Amazon: heh Optimus: But I saved humanity from Decepticons! Thanksgiving at the Primes
@stargazer15_: I'm the kind of girl that will suck helium from a balloon and talk dirty to you in a Minnie Mouse voice. Really dirty.