@TheMichaelRock: Found a baby snake in my backyard while mowing. Long story short, I don't have to mow anymore since my yard is on fire.
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@grimpossible: If you fall down in public the best thing to do is stay down, use your fingernails to dig your way to another country then start a new life.
@darksidedeb: I've started slipping an occasional "meow" into everyday conversations with people to see if they're really listening meow to me.