@bad_as_you_want: Found my 16yr old daughters Twitter today, made her deactivate it...after I copied all of her best material to my draft folder of course
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@Brampersandon_: KID: I'm starting to feel like I'll never find a Coke with my name on it MOM: Just keep looking, Dangquestrious
@dafloydsta: [first date] HER: So, do you have any hobbies? ME: No, not really. SOCK PUPPET: You're not going to tell her about us?
@KickSumHunibuns: [tree falls in forest] [doesnt make a sound] GUY IN CAMOUFLAGE: What the— TREE: oh shit uhh AAHHHH I have fallen and I can’t get up aaahhh
@Axenbane: I would be completely shocked if I ever won the lottery. Mainly because I don't play the lottery.