@bad_as_you_want: Found my 16yr old daughters Twitter today, made her deactivate it...after I copied all of her best material to my draft folder of course
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@tiemoose: [stepping out of time machine] me: well i sneezed on a dinosaur but hopefully the butterfly effect wasn't too severe giant butterfly in lab coat: you mean the human effect
@AtticusFinch79: Robber: This is a stick up Me: *clears throat* I'll stick up for Larry. Pat called him an idiot earlier and although it's true, it was mean
@dshack8: Newlywed: We can overcome anything, cause we're in love! 10 yrs later: If he leaves time on the microwave again I'm gonna set him on fire.