@GrumpyComments: Found my cat reading To Kill A Mockingbird. I told him that it didn't actually involve killing birds, but he said he liked courtroom dramas.
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@TheWoodenslurpy: [at stadium with child] Me: That is batball. [at the races] Me: That is horse circles. [at the opera] Me: This is horned yodeling.
@deegeemindi: If someone got my name tattooed on them I'd break up with them to prove it was a bad idea.