@jus4golf: Found my first gray pubic hair. The people in line with me at the market were not nearly as impressed as I was.
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@pizzajaynow: She asked me to buy Tampons so I bought Kotex, because that one time I wanted ice cream and she bought frozen yogurt.
@envydatropic: When my friends come over they know to ask "may I sit here" and then we look at my dog to see if it's OK
@SirEviscerate: DATE: Did you know a octopus can slip through any hole his beak can fit? ME: ...haha no. [Later] ME: *tearing apart my almost-finished octopus jail blueprints*