@jus4golf: Found my first gray pubic hair. The people in line with me at the market were not nearly as impressed as I was.
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@nishadtrivedi: What they're actually saying is "I can't even [finish this sentence due to the complexities of being a white girl on the existential level]"
@TheMichaelRock: 8yo: can you tell me a story? Me: sure. Your mom and I get ice cream after you go to bed every night. 8yo: WHAT?! Me: goodnight, buddy.
@Tw1tter_K1tten: Sent my husband to work with leftovers from dinner last night. His co-workers are going to be so jealous of his bowl of cereal.
@TheTobbie: On Facebook, someone posted that they have 90 days of pregnancy left. The 1st commenter said 'when are you due?' This is why we are here...