@Douchekevin: Four 6 year old girls playing quietly at 7am is called a horde of elephants having a foot race.
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@ericacanrant: If your partner makes you sleep closest to the door, you are either the protector or bait for the zombies.
@HiddenPinky: How'd you get a black eye? Walked into a door. [Later, another shiner] More doors? *nods* One does not simply walk into more doors.
@bkdcasey: If it acts like a duck, sounds like a duck and looks like a duck, then it is probably some girl on Instagram taking a selfie.
@NathanBgood: Why, yes, that is a banana in my pocket! *removes banana* How did you know? *begins to peel & eat banana* I’m still glad to see you though.