@Douchekevin: Four 6 year old girls playing quietly at 7am is called a horde of elephants having a foot race.
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@SadMeterologist: Police: How did they break in? Me: I have a fake garden rock w/a key inside. Police: They found it? Me: They threw it through the window.
@VicFuture: Why its called 'having your period' and not 'rolling out the red carpet ' I'll never know.
@BuckyIsotope: Ice, ice, baby. Ice, ice, baby. - Me taking inventory at the cryogenic infant storage facility.