@Douchekevin: Four 6 year old girls playing quietly at 7am is called a horde of elephants having a foot race.
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@kjoy1019: If I don't clean my house soon, someone is going to bring in blindfolded ppl for a Frebreeze commercial.
@LaziestCanine: [on intercom] Pilot: does anyone know how to land an airplane? asking for a friend, i swear
@oxygenplug: *you see a bear approaching you* Quick play dead! *bears comes running up* Oh god! OH GOD! What's happening!? Wake up! WHO DID THIS TO YOU!?