@justabloodygame: "Four more years! Four more years! Four more years!" The parole board chants, as I enter my hearing. This was not a good sign.
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@ArfMeasures: ME [Puts up "Have u seen my dog?" posters across town] HER: Oh no! You've lost your dog! M: No I just think u should see him. He's awesome
@UnFitz: "The Godfather" teaches us that: 1. Nothing is more important than family and 2. Our families are always trying to kill us.
@VictorscarletJ: I know we just got divorced, but would you mind showing my girlfriend how to make an omelet the way I like them?