@Lola_Areola: Four year olds can't even go for cigarettes or anything. Four year olds are useless.
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@Sarcasticsapien: The best thing about going on a date with a sarcastic person is that no matter what happens they're going to tell you they had a great time.
@murrman5: [roommate watching me get ready] dont take that with you "why not" why would you "it'll be fine" [hour into date and I spill my bag of ants]
@jonnysun: *full moon emerges from behimd clouds* nno--nonono it cant be…RUN. FAR AWAY FROM ME. NOW. IM A-- IM A-- *turns into bungalow* IM A WAREHOUSE
@Phook75: Working on a theory that Johnny Depp died shortly after The Rum Diary and filthy scarves and wigs are simply wheeled onto movie sets now