@QwertyJones3: Fox canceled Cops. So I guess if I want to stay current on what my family is up to now, I'll have to turn to Facebook.
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@SteelFontana: When you have "very happily married" in your bio, we read that as "DM me about my other secret account 'cause my spouse watches this one."
@KalvinMacleod: HER: I’m leaving you ME: Is it because I’m too literal? HER: no it's just we're not working out ME: *buys both of us a gym membership*