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@tweetcomedian: Fox News knows we can google stuff, right?
@QueefSandwich: I just farted & my dog looked at me like i asked her a calculus question
@SCbchbum: Shut up & eat. There are people starving in Abercrombie & Fitch.
@HollyMemphis: If no one comes from the future to stop you from doing it than how bad of a decision can it really be?
@themiltron: Baby Bear: Someone’s been eating my porridge!
Mama: That’s wonderful, dear. Papa never eats Mama’s porridge anymore.
Papa: Jesus, Linda...
@Merman_Melville: (Someone finally shuts off a car alarm)
Philip Glass: (sticks head out of apartment window above) HEY I WAS LISTENING TO THAT