@FilthyRichmond: Fox News reports that President Obama rapped his oath in Arabic while cutting the head off a goat.
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@XplodingUnicorn: Me: Go to bed 5-year-old: One more question Me: Fine 5: Who would win if Luke Skywalker fought Harry Potter? Me 5: Me: Get some coffee
@juliussharpe: Forgot we bought a Christmas tree. Woke up at 2 a.m., went to pee, thought it was a guy and almost called the cops on it.
@PajamaBen_: Billy where is your homework? "im sorry Ms. Klein my dog- *sees dog in the window make a throat cutting motion* -gone cat ate it"