@RexHuppke: Fox News: Witnesses are telling us Michael Brown may have charged Officer Darren Wilson atop a dragon, wielding a poison-tipped broadsword
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@murrman5: ...and tonight's final jeopardy category is Greek Mythology *giant centaur snorts and smiles at the other two contestants*
@Reverend_Scott: "So, why do you want to be a veterinarian?" [pictures an army of cyborg dogs with laser eyes and jet packs] ...I love to help animals.
@iwearaonesie: my brother turned 30 this weekend and i'll never forget what mom said when dad told her we're growing up too fast "they're eating dog food"
@batkaren: We've secretly replaced Janet's coffee with melatonin capsules. Let's see if— okay yeah, she noticed. She looks pissed. Sleepy, but pissed…