@GianDoh: Freak out your neighbors by removing one member of their stick figure decal family each night.
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@jumpdashark: "I don't think you're ready for this jelly." ~ me talking shit to my peanut butter sandwich.
@Cpin42: A lot of parents are asking questions about my baby cannon. Like "Does it really fire babies?" & "Have you seen my son Jeff?"
@sammyrhodes: My wife: "Can you pass me the stud finder?" Me: "You're the stud finder!" *deep, awkward silence* Me: "Here it is."