@JennyJohnsonHi5: Freak parents out on Facebook by posting, "Just read a health article about how a camera flash causes diabetes in kids under the age of 10."
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@LeaMehanna: I think my microwave's broken. I keep pressing the pizza button and no pizza is coming out
@AmericanGent69: *slow jams playing in the background Her: take off my pants Me: oh my bad, right, ok I totally thought these were mine.
@murrman5: "when people say different color bell peppers taste different" [doctor nodding] I meant anything bothering you physically
@HatfieldAnne: We’ve all talked about throwing a dirty dish away instead of washing it. But only some of us have done it.