@JennyJohnsonHi5: Freak parents out on Facebook by posting, "Just read a health article about how a camera flash causes diabetes in kids under the age of 10."
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@DanMentos: [first date] "Tell me two interesting things about yourself" well I lie when I'm nervous… "ok…" and I invented oatmeal
@ehdannyboy: To tell the difference between an African and an Indian elephant, you look at its ears, then lift one up and shout "WHERE ARE YOU FROM M8?"
@wienerherzog: The Goonies went looking for pirate treasure and ended up finding the greatest treasure of all: pirate treasure.
@carlyken: Pony: "I love hay so much I-" Dad: "Why don't you marry it, ya big nerd?" *pony grows up* *becomes Horse Emperor* *legalizes hay marriage*