@JennyJohnsonHi5: Freak parents out on Facebook by posting, "Just read a health article about how a camera flash causes diabetes in kids under the age of 10."
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@TheBoydP: [God making sausages] Angel: What's next? God: Take these extra parts, grind them up and stuff them in a casing *1 angel faints, 2 vomit*
@Bob_Janke: I have a picture of my uncle standing on a tank he and two buddies destroyed in WWII. I cut my fingernails too short and I might stay home.
@SeanINCypress: Beer is so smart that if you drink enough, right around your midsection, it builds a shelf for you to rest bottles on.