@adamochoa: freak people out in public restrooms by saying "come in" when they knock on the stall door
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@hippieswordfish: when life gives you lemons, use their natural acidity to temporarily blind your opponent
@girl_a_whirl: A spider crawled on my son's hand today. I did what any father would do. I mean, Luke Skywalker seems like a productive member of society.
@TheAlexP: Maybe raccoons aren't really digging through trash for food, Maybe they're just looking for something to remove their eye shadow.