@adamochoa: freak people out in public restrooms by saying "come in" when they knock on the stall door
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@qwertying: Airport Security: has anyone put anything in your luggage without your knowledge, sir? Sir: How the hell am I supposed to answer that?
@GinAndJif: Him: I'm really into clean eating. Me: [trying to impress] I almost never eat food I've dropped on the floor.