@Breadery: Freaking out people walking round the cemetery dressed as a Ghostbuster.
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@BlindChow: [performance review] boss: from now on you're getting supervision me: yes!! boss: wait, that doesn't mean– me: *already smashing my glasses*
@TheCatWhisprer: Sometimes a man has needs that can't be fulfilled in the home. [goes to animal shelter and pets all the cats]
@YeahDrewisOn: Me: Damn girl your new selfie is awesome but isn't it a bit late to zombiefy yourself? Her: What's zombiefy? Me: ...Your hair looks great!