@krisv_723: Fred realized too late that he should have bought a fresh sheet for his toga, when he walked into the black light party.
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@ilovepie84: "LET MY PEEPHOLE GO!" -Moses when the cops found the peephole he installed in the Womens washroom.
@AnkCoupleTO: *at lawyer's office* Me: I want to divorce my idiot wife, she's seeing a surgeon *idiot wife pops out from under desk* that's so not true!
@robfee: Johnny Depp could lose 250 hands of strip poker in a row and wouldn't even have all his thumb rings off yet.
@bonehugsnirony: depression: everything is terrible me: yeah, let’s buy stuff online anxiety: you can’t afford that me: okay guys, one at a time